What if I told you that the most powerful healing might not look like healing at all?
That sometimes the bravest thing you can do isn’t to keep trying harder — but to stop. To rest. To accept that some things don’t get fixed.
In a world that constantly tells us to “heal our trauma,” “raise our vibration,” and “transform our lives,” this might sound like giving up. But it’s not. It’s something much more radical.
It’s called radical acceptance. And it might be exactly what you need.
The Problem With Wellness Culture
Let me be honest about something.
As someone who works as a holistic therapist in Dublin, Naas, and Newbridge — offering energy healing, family constellation work, and various therapeutic modalities — I’ve seen the shadow side of wellness culture.
The relentless pressure to be healed. The implicit message that if you’re still suffering, you’re doing something wrong. The parade of programmes and products promising transformation — as if healing were a destination you could buy your way to.
And I’ve seen what this does to people.
People who have done years of inner work and still hurt. People who have spent thousands on retreats, courses, and healers — and feel like failures because the pain is still there. People who are exhausted not just from their original suffering, but from the endless effort of trying to fix themselves.
This is what I call healing fatigue. And it’s more common than anyone admits.
The Violence of “Just Think Positive”
You’ve heard the phrases:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Focus on the positive.”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“You create your own reality.”
Sometimes these are offered with love. But when you’re in real pain — the kind that doesn’t lift — they can feel like violence.
Because the implication is clear: if you’re still suffering, it’s your fault. You’re not positive enough. Not spiritual enough. Not trying hard enough.
Psychologists call this spiritual bypassing — using spiritual beliefs to avoid facing genuine human pain. And it’s everywhere in wellness culture.
Toxic positivity doesn’t heal people. It abandons them. It makes them feel more alone than they were before.
What If Some Pain Isn’t Meant to Be Fixed?
Here’s a question that changed how I practice:
What if some wounds don’t heal the way a cut heals? What if some losses don’t resolve? What if some pain is not a problem to be solved, but a weight you learn to carry differently?
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) — one of the most evidence-based psychological approaches — there’s a powerful distinction between two types of suffering:
Clean pain is the unavoidable suffering that comes with being human. Loss. Grief. Disappointment. Illness. The things we can’t escape.
Dirty pain is everything we add on top: fighting the pain, resisting it, judging ourselves for feeling it, desperately trying to make it go away.
Radical acceptance isn’t about eliminating clean pain — because that’s often not possible. It’s about reducing the dirty pain. Learning to be with what is, without the war against yourself.
That’s where real freedom lies.
Grief That Doesn’t End
Society tells us grief should have a timeline. A year, maybe two, and then you should be “over it.”
But anyone who has truly lost something knows: some grief doesn’t end.
And maybe it’s not supposed to.
In my work with family constellation therapy, I see grief that has been passed down through generations. Losses that were never mourned. Pain that found no witness. And that grief doesn’t disappear just because time has passed.
Some grief is the shape your love takes now that the person — or the life, or the version of yourself — is gone.
The goal isn’t to stop grieving. The goal is to find a way to carry it that doesn’t break you.
Not “moving on.” Moving with.
The Burdens We Inherit
Sometimes — and this is what I see so clearly in family constellation work — the pain we carry isn’t even ours.
We inherit more than eye colour and bone structure from our ancestors. We inherit their unfinished business. Their unprocessed grief. Their survival strategies. Their traumas.
This is called intergenerational trauma, and the science on it is now substantial. Trauma can literally be passed down through generations, encoded in our nervous systems, shaping our lives in ways we don’t consciously understand.
You might carry anxiety that started with your grandmother’s experience of war. Fear of scarcity that traces back to your great-grandfather’s poverty. Grief that belongs to an ancestor you never met.
This is why some pain feels so much bigger than your own story. Because it is.
And the healing here isn’t always about “fixing” anything. Sometimes it’s simply about acknowledging what was never acknowledged. Witnessing what was never witnessed. Saying: “I see what happened. I see what you carried. And I honour it.”
Permission to Stop
So here’s what I want to offer you:
Permission to stop trying to fix yourself.
Permission to stop chasing the next programme, the next modality, the next promise of transformation.
Permission to rest — not because you’ve healed, but because you’re exhausted from trying to.
Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is… nothing. Just be. Just exist in your imperfect, still-hurting, not-yet-transformed self.
Not as a project. As a person.
A Different Kind of Hope
Radical acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on life. It means giving up the war against what is.
It’s the hope that says: “I can live a meaningful life alongside my pain.”
You can have moments of joy — and still carry grief. You can build a beautiful life — and still have days where it all feels too heavy. You can love deeply again — and still feel the ache of what was lost.
Both things can be true. That’s not failure. That’s being human.
And being human is enough.
Listen: When Healing Doesn’t Look Like Healing
I recently recorded a contemplative talk exploring these themes — what happens when you’ve done all the work and still hurt, the violence of toxic positivity, and what radical acceptance actually looks like.
It includes a gentle practice of simply being with what is — without trying to change it.
You Haven’t Failed
Before you go, I want to say this clearly:
If you’ve done years of inner work and still struggle — you haven’t failed.
If the pain hasn’t gone away — you’re not broken.
If you’re exhausted from trying to heal — you’re allowed to rest.
You are not a project to be completed. You are a human being, carrying what human beings carry.
And sometimes the most profound healing is simply learning to carry it with more dignity. More compassion. Less shame.
Go gently.
Work With Me
If you’re looking for a holistic approach that meets you where you are — without demanding you be fixed or transformed — I offer sessions in Dublin, Naas, Newbridge, and online worldwide.
My work includes energy healing, family constellation therapy, and integrative holistic practices. But more than any technique, I offer presence. A space where you don’t have to be different than you are.
Contact:
🌿 blissfulevolution.com
📧 info@blissfulevolution.com
📍 Dublin | Naas | Newbridge | Online Worldwide
About Abi Beri
Abi Beri is an IPHM-accredited Integrative Holistic Therapist based in Ireland. He offers energy healing, family constellation work, and holistic therapeutic sessions in Dublin, Naas, Newbridge, and online globally. His approach honours both ancient wisdom and modern therapeutic understanding, creating spaces where people can be exactly as they are.
© Abi Beri | Blissful Evolution
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