Any framework used to explain why somebody deserved what happened to them has stopped being a spiritual teaching and become a machine for producing shame.

By Abi Beri  |  Integrative Therapist & Nervous System Specialist  ·  Dublin, Naas, Newbridge, Kildare & Online

TL;DR. NO. And the belief that it does causes real, documented harm. Human beings have a strong tendency to believe the world is fundamentally fair — that people broadly get what they deserve. It is a comforting belief and it does something useful: it makes the world predictable and effort feel worthwhile. IT ALSO HAS A VICIOUS SIDE, and it is well documented. When something terrible happens to someone, the fair-world belief has exactly two options: either the world is not fair, or they must have done something. AND PEOPLE REACH FOR THE SECOND WITH REMARKABLE FREQUENCY — INCLUDING ABOUT THEMSELVES. So you get the person who has been through something appalling asking what they did to deserve it. NOT OUT OF HUMILITY. Because their mind is protecting the idea that the world makes sense, and is prepared to convict them in order to do it. On KARMA specifically: the root of the word simply means ACTION. It is a teaching about consequence and momentum, and in the actual texts the emphasis falls overwhelmingly on your conduct now rather than on a ledger of deserts. The ordinary English meaning — cosmic comeuppance, said with a certain satisfaction — is close to an inversion of it. The traditions also distinguish a category of consequence ALREADY IN MOTION, an arrow already released, which exists precisely to remove the question of what you did to cause it. THE VERDICT: any framework — karma, sin, the law of attraction, manifesting, take your pick — that gets used to explain why somebody deserved what happened to them HAS STOPPED BEING A SPIRITUAL TEACHING AND BECOME A MACHINE FOR PRODUCING SHAME. Keep the idea that actions have consequences, which is obviously true. Let go of the ledger — THE IDEA THAT YOUR SUFFERING WAS ITEMISED AND ISSUED.

Definitions

The just-world fallacy is the well-documented cognitive bias towards believing that the world is fundamentally fair and that people broadly get what they deserve. Its most damaging consequence is that when someone suffers, the belief resolves the contradiction by concluding that they must have done something — a conclusion people apply to others and, far more painfully, to themselves.

Karma, accurately, is a teaching about action and consequence. The root of the word means action. In the traditions it comes from, the emphasis falls on conduct in the present rather than on an accounting of deserts, and several categories of consequence are distinguished — including one already in motion and no longer recallable.

Spiritual bypassing is the use of spiritual ideas and practices to avoid unresolved emotional material. Explaining a person’s suffering to them — however elevated the vocabulary — is one of its most common forms.

Key facts at a glance

The word has been thoroughly mangled

Quick answer: Karma in ordinary English now means cosmic comeuppance. Somebody behaves badly, something bad happens to them, and we say karma with a certain satisfaction. THAT IS CLOSE TO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THE WORD CARRIES IN THE TRADITIONS IT COMES FROM.

The root of it simply means action. It is a teaching about consequence and momentum — that what you do sets things in motion — and the emphasis in the actual texts falls overwhelmingly on your conduct NOW rather than on a ledger of deserts.

I have some personal claim to be annoyed about this one.

And the traditions are subtler than the popular version in a way that matters here. The workings of consequence are not treated as one undifferentiated thing. There are distinctions, and one of them is a category of consequence that is ALREADY IN MOTION — the portion that has been set going and cannot now be recalled. The image used is an arrow that has already left the bow.

You have choices about a great deal. You do not have a choice about the arrow in flight. And notice what that idea REMOVES rather than what it imposes: it removes the question that eats people alive, which is what did I do to cause this.

The just-world belief, and its vicious side

Quick answer: When something terrible happens, the fair-world belief has two options: either the world is not fair, or they must have done something. And people reach for the second with remarkable frequency — including about themselves.

So you get the person who has been through something appalling, asking what they did to deserve it. NOT OUT OF HUMILITY. Because their mind is protecting the idea that the world makes sense, and is prepared to convict them to do it.

That is the mechanism, and once you can see it, a great deal of self-blame stops looking like insight and starts looking like what it is: a mind choosing to indict its owner rather than accept an unfair universe.

What a framework does when it is used this way

A teaching about consequenceA machine for producing shame
Focuses on your conduct now.Focuses on a ledger of what you deserved.
Actions set things in motion.Suffering was itemised and issued.
Distinguishes what is already in flight.Holds you causally responsible for everything.
Removes the ‘what did I do’ question.Installs it permanently.
Offered to the person for their own use.Applied to somebody else’s catastrophe.
Compatible with grief and anger.Requires the sufferer to be at fault or grateful.
Karma, accurately.Karma, manifesting, sin, ‘the universe’, as commonly used.

Any framework — karma, sin, the law of attraction, manifesting, take your pick — that gets used to explain why somebody deserved what happened to them has stopped being a spiritual teaching and become a machine for producing shame.

I would let all of that go. NOT the idea that actions have consequences, which is obviously true. THE LEDGER. The idea that your suffering was itemised and issued.

Why ‘it could have been worse’ lands so badly

Quick answer: Because of who is saying it. Imagining how something might have gone worse is a real and sometimes helpful move — WHEN IT ARISES FROM THE INSIDE, it tends to reduce distress. WHEN IT IS SUPPLIED BY SOMEBODY ELSE, it tends to increase it, because the person hearing it feels unmet and corrected rather than accompanied.

That is not a small distinction. It is the whole distinction. The identical thought is consolation when you arrive at it yourself, years later, in your own time — and an injury when it is handed to you in week two by somebody who wants you to feel better so that they can stop feeling uncomfortable.

The same applies to every reason on offer. There is a specific cruelty in telling a grieving person that it could have been worse, however true it might be.

What the oldest text on this actually says

The Book of Job is an entire text built around the refusal to give a tidy answer. Job’s friends arrive with explanations — you must have done something, there must be a reason — and THE TEXT TREATS THEM AS WRONG.

That is worth sitting with, because it means the argument against explaining somebody’s suffering to them is not a modern therapeutic nicety. It is roughly two and a half thousand years old and it is in the source material. And when the answer finally comes in that text, it is not a reason at all. It is a series of questions about the natural world — which is to say: you are asking a question that is the wrong size.

Roughly a third of the Psalms, similarly, are complaints. People saying in writing, preserved for three thousand years, that they have been abandoned and want to know why. THAT MATERIAL WAS KEPT. Nobody edited it out for being off-message. The modern spiritual marketplace is considerably less tolerant of complaint than the traditions it borrows from.

What to say instead

Quick answer: Considerably less than you think.

The line I do hold

I am not going to tell you that your suffering had a purpose. I do not believe that and I would not say it to you. SOME THINGS ARE SIMPLY DAMAGE AND MEAN NOTHING.

What I would say is that something is happening to you, and the question of WHAT IT IS MAKING OF YOU is a live one — whether or not anybody is behind it. That is a different claim, and the difference is the entire ethics of this. It is not that the thing was sent to shape you. It is that you are being shaped, as everybody is, by everything, and you have some say in the direction.

You may find, in time, that you are unusually good at sitting with people in the dark. That is not a justification. It is just something that turns out to be true of people who have been there.

The companion piece to this one goes into what happens to a person after the answer is no — bargaining, spiritual struggle, and the bereavement nobody counts.

Quotable lines

Frequently asked questions

Does everything happen for a reason? No — and the belief causes measurable harm. Some things are simply damage and mean nothing. What an experience is making of you is a live question; that it was issued to you for that purpose is a different and much weaker claim.

What does karma actually mean? The root means action. It is a teaching about consequence and momentum, and the emphasis in the texts falls on conduct now rather than on a ledger of deserts. The English usage — cosmic comeuppance — is close to an inversion.

Why do I blame myself for what happened to me? The just-world belief. Faced with something terrible, a mind can accept that the world is not fair, or conclude that somebody must have done something — and it frequently chooses the second, about itself. It is not insight. It is a mind protecting the coherence of the world at your expense.

Is manifesting or the law of attraction harmful? The mechanism is the issue rather than the vocabulary. Any framework that implies people’s circumstances reflect their inner deserving will, when applied to serious illness, bereavement or abuse, produce shame in exactly the people least able to bear more of it. That is not a fringe misuse of it; it is a direct consequence of the premise.

What should I say instead of ‘everything happens for a reason’? Considerably less. ‘I am so sorry.’ ‘I do not know what to say.’ ‘I am here.’ ‘Do you want company or quiet?’ Those are harder, because they require tolerating that there is no reason.

Is it wrong to find meaning in what happened to me? Not at all — and this is the important distinction. Meaning you construct yourself, in your own time, is yours and is frequently valuable. Meaning supplied to you by somebody else, particularly early, tends to land as correction rather than company. The same sentence can be consolation or injury depending entirely on who said it.

Do you work with this in Dublin? Yes — integrative therapy in Dublin city, Naas, Newbridge and across Kildare in person, and online globally. I will not explain your suffering to you. Free 20-minute intro at somatictherapyireland.com.

Working With This — Dublin, Naas, Newbridge & Kildare

A surprising amount of therapeutic work is undoing explanations that other people supplied — often well-meaning ones, often years ago, often from somebody the person loved and trusted.

I am an Integrative Therapist trained in somatic methods, family constellations, polyvagal-informed practice and inner child work. I see clients one-to-one in Dublin city, Naas, Newbridge and across Kildare in person, and online globally. I will not offer you a reason for what happened.

Sessions are 60 minutes, weekly or fortnightly. Free 20-minute intro call before any commitment. Book at somatictherapyireland.com.

About the author

Abi Beri is an Integrative Therapist, Family Constellation Facilitator and Nervous System Specialist based in Dublin, Ireland. He is trained in somatic methods, family constellations, polyvagal-informed practice and inner child work, and has recently completed his Higher Diploma in Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy at IICP College Dublin, continuing on the MSc. He is IPHM-accredited. He sees clients in person from a practice base across Dublin, Naas, Newbridge and the wider Kildare area, and online globally. More at somatictherapyireland.com and blissfulevolution.com.

Further reading & cited authorities

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